“Soon, we will finally meet.”
I, in a grey suit, walked into the beautifully decorated large garden. I was no less excited than the two people of honor, who looked splendid in pristine white wedding attire. Even though I had been helping with the event from the start, staring at my close friends on the most beautiful day of their lives made me emotional nonetheless.
The ceremony proceeded simply. Until the reception, the bride and groom broke away to find me standing alone listening to the live music. I turned to look at them both with a smile, even though my words said something else.
“Why aren’t you with your guests?”
“We wanted to talk to you first,” Likhit said. But I shook my head, annoyed.
“We can talk later. How important could it be?”
“You are our most important guest.” My friend had grown up so much from seven years ago. I still remembered the day we sat talking at the dessert shop. Less than a week after that day, I received the good news that they had decided to date.
And until today, as we all went our separate ways to work, I was gladly able to be a part of the happiest moment of my two dear friends.
“I’m truly happy for you. You finally have this day.” I made eye contact with the bride and groom, who stood gazing at each other without looking away.
“Thank you so much. For everything.” Phallop spoke in a tone more serious than usual, making me unable to hold back a laugh. “What’s so funny, Khiao? I’m serious.”
“Sorry, sorry. I’m just not used to you being so stern.”
“Stop talking. Let’s go celebrate after this.”
“Shouldn’t you be with your bride?”
“I’m coming too. A chance to celebrate being single no more.” Likhit snapped her fingers and winked. I could only narrow my eyes suspiciously at this unnatural behavior.
“Then what does this have to do with me?”
“You’re treating, of course. Our friend is getting married.”
Just as I thought...
“Hey! Khiao... do you remember that story I wanted to write about you?”
“Of course I remember. I thought you didn’t want to write it anymore.” I raised an eyebrow in question, as Likhit suddenly brought this up again. We hadn’t had much time to see each other lately, so we hadn’t discussed this seriously.
“I do want to write it. But I felt that before, I wasn’t good enough to write your story. Until now, I think the time has finally come.”
I smiled in acknowledgment, my heart racing at the knowledge that everything was about to begin, after this.
“In that case, I leave it in your hands.”
“I’ll probably need to discuss a lot of details with you. But whether I can book an appointment with you, Doctor, is the worrying part.”
“I’ll always find time to meet you guys,” I said with a laugh. I made eye contact with my two friends once more before making a request.
***
One I had been waiting to say for so long.....
“If you have a child, could you please name him ‘Aksorn’...”
“But that’s... isn’t that his name?” Likhit didn’t understand the request, but the serious look in my eyes made her unable to refuse. A certain feeling was conveyed too clearly to demand reason.
“But... Aksorn is a nice name.” The young woman replied with a smile.
I pressed my lips together tightly to contain the overwhelming emotions. Even though a part of me was still worried, because I remembered well.
Aksorn was born on the day his mother left.....
I stared at the young woman's face for a long time. I had never told my two friends about that Phii's mother. And because of that, I wanted to spend every moment from now on with her as much as possible. But it was also incredibly painful, since in this world, only I knew that Likhit had only a short time left to be with us.....
***
“You are the Aksorn in my memory.”
“Do you think this name is good?”
I stared at the letters that formed 'Aksorn in Memory' appearing on the manuscript of that story with a smile.
So everything was predestined after all...
I used my scant free time to visit my two friends at home after learning Likhit was pregnant. The more I looked at her face, the clearer it became that Aksorn existed in this world now.
We... were only this far apart.
“I like this name,” I said in a distant voice. The talented writer smiled brightly with satisfaction before turning back to her capable typewriter to continue writing my story. I just sat quietly, watching her and her letters that were conveying everything I had once felt.
And to this day, still felt the same....
“Coffee’s here.” The homeowner walked in with coffee he had brewed himself, raising an eyebrow at the friend who reached out to take it with praise he didn’t often hear from his mouth.
“You’ve gotten much better lately.”
“Standard. This is what it’s like to become a father.”
“Shall we go talk outside? Let her work in peace.” I spoke up, seeing that the young woman was ignoring me now. “Our friend went to the trouble of visiting us at home.”
“Oh, Khiao, the machine’s on a roll. I can’t stop it now.”
“I was just joking. I’m happy you’re so focused.” I smiled before following Phallop out to the small garden in front of the house. The two friends sat sipping coffee and chatting about old times for a good while.
But when a silence fell as Phallop lifted his coffee cup for a sip, I seized the chance to ask about that novel first.
“Likhit said she sent that novel to a publisher. What did they say?” I was actually quite excited when the young woman mentioned this, but seeing she was engrossed in writing at the time, I didn’t ask too many questions.
“They’re interested in publishing it. Likhit intends to send the complete manuscript for printing once she finishes. But she’s due in a few months, so she’s worried she won’t have time to write. That’s why she’s working so frantically now.”
“I’ve been waiting to see this book so much my heart might break.” I said with a sigh. Because in the end, I knew well it wouldn’t be like that.
Likhit only had a few months left.
And my heart broke....
***
"I'm sorry."
It was a Saturday morning with heavy rain. The air was freezing cold. The sky turned a murky black from thick rain clouds. I remembered everything that happened that day perfectly.
I remembered the panicked expression on Phallop’s face as he drove through the rain and successfully brought his beloved to the hospital.
I remembered Likhit’s painful cries, her heart-rending sobs.
And I remembered... how heartbroken I was, that I couldn’t save my friend’s life.
Even though I had known, I still dreamed that we could all be together without anyone having to be lost. The only thing I never expected was that
I myself would be the one to perform the C-section and be the first person in the world to see Aksorn.
Paid for by being the last person to send Likhit to heaven...
The loud crying of the little one in my arms snapped me out of my trance. My tears flowed silently under the extreme grief and joy that occurred simultaneously.
The chaos passed quickly. In just the brief moment the rain was still heavy, we –none of us– had a chance to say goodbye. The young doctor handed the duty of caring for the child over to the nurses before looking at the lifeless body of his friend, her final image searing into him, making it impossible to escape reality anywhere.
I gritted my teeth, hands clenched tightly as tears continued to flow unabated. This was all I could do.
Just this...
“How is it?!” Phallop’s voice, loud with concern, sounded after I walked out to meet him. I smiled at my friend who stood gripping my arm tightly.
I had fulfilled my duty as a doctor to the best of my ability.
After this, only one duty remained.
“I’m sorry....”
That was the duty of a friend who would stand by him.
“What do you mean?” Phallop’s voice was harsh. He shook his head at the young man who took a deep breath before turning to look him in the eye for the first time.
To say that everything I would say from now on was the truth.
“Your son is safe. But the child’s mother...” No matter how hard he tried to swallow his sobs, the strength he had possessed all his life vanished now. “Likhit is gone.” Phallop’s world ended in that instant. Everything went dark in the blink of an eye. He had never prepared himself, never thought that saying goodnight last night was the final farewell. Even though he had hoped we would become the warmest family in the world.
We would raise the child well together.
But why? Why did she leave him....
“It’s not easy at all, getting through the most painful loss.”
Phallop stood holding the unpublished manuscript of Aksorn in Memory, its talented author having left this world before finishing it.
He ran his hand over the pages tenderly, carefully storing the last thing his beloved had left behind in the drawer. All her things were still in their usual places. The latest book she hadn’t finished reading. The unfinished knitting wool. It was a pity the little son would never have the chance to wear the gloves his mother was knitting for him by hand.
The young man stepped over to the crib where the five-month-old infant was sleeping. He gazed for a long time at the face so resembling the mother’s before smiling.
“Dad misses Mom so much.”
Tears and all...
There was no day he would be strong enough not to cry. Phallop still didn’t know what he should do next. His life was still dark. The period of coming to terms with it was so long that without me there to help, he might not have been able to stay alive until today.
“I’m sorry I’m so weak.” His voice trembled as he bent down to gently touch his son’s small hand until he heard a car sound, prompting him to go down and check immediately.
“Have you eaten? I brought food.” I called out while unloading the groceries I’d bought for both father and son. But the homeowner shook his head as always.
“I’m not hungry yet.”
“Not hungry, you still have to eat. I just got off shift and haven’t eaten either. Let’s eat together.”
Phallop followed his friend who had already walked into his house. The young man put away the groceries he’d bought before returning to the dining table where the homeowner sat alone in silence.
“Is he asleep?” I asked while unpacking the food into dishes. But the other’s flat answer made me turn to look immediately.
“Yeah.”
“Do you love your son?”
“Why ask that?” Phallop looked up at the tall figure leaning on the table, staring at him so seriously he had to answer softly. “I do. I love him... more than anything.”
“Then, can you be strong for him?”
That request... forced a sob to flow out silently.
“I’m a useless father.”
I sighed, shaking my head slightly before placing a plate of food in front of my friend, forcing him to eat.
“I know you will be a good father.” Yes... even twenty years from now, it would still be true. “You can eat now, before our 'little one' wakes up.”
Phallop sighed, but obediently did as his friend said.
However difficult, he would do as I told him.
Be strong for Aksorn, your son.
“Don’t blame yourself. Your existence, Aksorn, is the best thing in our lives.”
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