“We were both afraid."
We were afraid that someone else might intrude and become aware of that mirror’s existence.
The sound of the room door opening from the other side prompted me, who had just finished showering, to quickly step in to look. I intended to greet him as I always did whenever Aksorn returned to the room, but his body came to an abrupt halt.
Because the person who walked into the room wasn’t Aksorn…
I looked left and right, unsure what to do if someone else saw me through that mirror. The figure of an elderly woman swiftly glanced towards the mirror for a split second before turning away.
No abnormality was registered in that pair of eyes.
I frowned, growing increasingly confident that what others saw was merely a regular mirror. I sat down deep in thought, staring at the handyman repairing a pipe on the balcony, with the lady who was likely the dorm owner watching closely nearby.
After a while, the loud entrance of the room’s owner echoed through the room.
“What’s going on!”
I looked up immediately. I knew well that Aksorn was worried about the same thing I was earlier. Of course, having some stranger suddenly intrude into one’s private space wasn’t exactly pleasant.
“The pipe was clogged, so I called a handyman to fix it, dear.”
“Why didn’t you tell me first?”
“Telling you like this… I was worried leaving it would cause trouble for everyone.” “I tried calling you, but couldn’t get through. You’re not upset, are you?”
I, who had been sitting and watching the situation the whole time, didn’t know how to help either. When Phîi Aksorn is angry, he’s really scary.
“I’m sorry for coming in without—”
“Since you came in, you didn’t notice anything unusual, right? I mean, I haven’t cleaned the room at all.”
“I didn’t search your room, dear. You can rest easy.”
“Okay. Then it’s fine.” Aksorn’s gaze shifted towards me, so I quickly waved him over when he saw the others were busy with the problematic pipe.
“Phîi, it seems like everyone else sees this mirror as just a normal mirror.”
The other didn’t reply. He looked left and right for a moment before walking off to get a notebook and pencil, then bent his head down and started writing seriously.
That’s right. Aksorn can’t say anything because there are other people here.
“Are you sure they saw this mirror and…”
I nodded affirmatively. I didn’t voice out that Aksorn’s handwriting was exceedingly beautiful.
“I’m sure. They were in here for a while, and no one noticed anything unusual about the mirror at all.”
The conversation between spoken word and written text began from that moment on….
Until everyone left, the two of us talked for a while longer before parting to shower and sleep. The worry about others was gone. But what replaced it was another feeling of instability.
We were terribly afraid that our existence might be just an image we had conjured up for each other, since there was no one who could confirm what was happening…
I woke up in the middle of the night. The moonlight shining through the window faintly illuminated the figure curled up under a blanket. Although I wanted to walk over and snuggle under the same blanket, all I could do was smile and lie there watching that figure until he fell asleep.
I drifted off with thoughts of that same person, continuing our encounter in a dream. I confessed in a whisper, but it was the clearest statement for a 17-year-old who had never told anyone he loved them.
“I think I like you, Phîi.”
“It hurt me almost unbearably to know that the person by your side today wasn’t me…”
“Actually, there’s someone helping me.”
That sentence made me stop dead in my tracks. My world fell silent. A sense of inferiority was born.
“Who is it, Khrap?”
“His name is Khiao. He’s a regular customer at the bookstore. Probably around 40 years old, I’d say.”
That man’s name was now confined to the box of people I envied the most. Listening to Aksorn speak of Khiao with such admiration only made his heart wither more and more.
“I want to grow up to be an adult like that.”
My eyes narrowed. I could only scoff inwardly before replying in a displeased tone.
“What’s so bad about being like you, Phîi?” Having said that, I got up and walked to the bathroom. That was almost the first time I realized it was myself who wanted to possess Aksorn exclusively.
But a part of me also wondered:
Between him, who existed in the mirror,
and someone else who existed in the same world,
who would Aksorn choose…
‘I want you to stay with me forever.’
When Aksorn had to watch over his father at the hospital, I remembered clearly how anxious he felt, worried about whether that older brother could get through this difficult time.
I knew Aksorn was strong.
But inside the heart of a strong person,
cracks often form silently…
I could only study for my exams desperately, because I knew well that while waiting, I couldn’t do a single thing. The world of the two of us had no phone signals, no interdimensional mail, no channel through which we could contact each other.
So meeting again was something I was incredibly happy about.
“Did you get any sleep?”
“It’s like this during exams, Khrap.” I blamed it on the exams like that, even though the real reason I hadn’t slept was because I was waiting for the other to return.
“I know you’re capable, but get some rest.” Aksorn told me.
Whoa… Do you know that speaking with such gentle eyes like that makes my heart almost break? I was utterly defeated.
And before Aksorn had to go to the hospital again, that older brother didn’t disappoint me.
“Promise me that after I leave, you’ll go to bed.”
“Yes, Khrap.” I agreed, even though I didn’t know if I could keep it. I just felt that when he was in front of me, I wanted to be the good boy who obeyed his older brother as much as possible.
“Promise me you’ll get enough rest.”
“Yes, Khrap.”
But then,
“Promise me that if I’m not here, you’ll take care of yourself.”
This request wasn’t one I could agree to as easily as before. I didn’t know if Aksorn meant something by it, afraid that “if I’m not here” didn’t just mean tonight, but forever…
“You will come back, won’t you, Phîi?”
“I’ll come back… See you later.”
But because I believed everything Aksorn said, that answer made me feel a little better. Even just a little bit was all I needed.
“Phîi’s pancakes are a bit too bitter, Khrap.”
“I’ve written quite a bit already, that story you wanted me to write.”
Aksorn reported the progress on his writing piece while busily making pancakes, with me sitting nearby giving encouragement.
“Phîi never lets me read it, not even once.”
“Wait until it’s finished. I want you to be utterly amazed.”
I wonder if he realizes… how adorable he is.
“That much, huh?”
“That much.”
But one of the greatest regrets in my life was probably sitting next to Aksorn watching him make pancakes, yet having no chance to taste them.
They must be perfectly sweet and delicious.
“Hey… You know what, Songjam?”
“Yes, Khrap?”
“When I was little, my dad used to make pancakes for me. He liked to put mixed fruits in them too.”
Ah… I pictured it and felt incredibly fond of the imaginary young Aksorn.
“Do you think Dad would be surprised to know I make them myself now?”
“Phîi, you’ve never made them before?” I asked to hide my heart, which was pounding erratically with joy that the other had chosen to tell me these stories.
“Never… I’ve never done anything like this.”
“Do you want to try going home and making some for him, Phîi?”
I just wanted to know, but why… Why did Aksorn fall silent like that?
“I might go home, you know.”
“Phîi’s dad would definitely like it.”
“Songjam…”
No.
I don’t like the look in Aksorn’s eyes right now…
“Yes, Khrap?”
“What I mean is, I might really go back home.”
After that… I didn’t say anything else.
Our conversation hung suspended in the air. So long that even after the one who finished making the pancakes walked out of the room, I still couldn’t shake off Aksorn’s words. The bitter-sweet taste amidst our story was what I could perceive most clearly now.
Bitter-sweetness, choking my throat.
It didn’t taste good at all…
“Even though we cannot touch, your kiss was sweet.”
I received a special opportunity.
Tonight, only I in the entire world would get to watch a meteor shower… from another world.
“Songjam! Wake up, quick. It’s almost time.” The voice waking him from his dream made me want to hit myself on the head. I’d fully intended to keep Aksorn company, but I’d accidentally dozed off without realizing when. I focused my gaze on the mirror, looking at the figure of the young man on the balcony busily craning his neck to look at the sky. But it seemed like tonight nothing was going their way.
“I wonder if we can see it from this side? It’s already 2 AM”
The dejected expression of the one who had invited him to watch the meteor shower made me unable to suppress a smile. So the other values our matters just as much.
“Phîi, you should just go to sleep. It’s okay if we don’t see it.”
“Let’s wait a little longer.” Look at that, how can he call me stubborn? He’s the most stubborn older brother I’ve ever met. “…Should I take the mirror to the rooftop?”
“That would be very weird, Khrap.”
“You’re right. I’m afraid the mirror might break too.” Is he serious? I almost laughed out loud. How many people in the world get to see this side of Aksorn?
“Phîi, you have to protect this mirror with your life, you know that?”
“As precious as my life.”
Do you realize what you’re saying?
I could no longer restrain my feelings. This place no longer held just a mirror. There were only the lips of two young men moving towards each other.
A trace of sweetness was imprinted on a sliver of the substance that separated the two worlds. Our first kiss was bitter, sorrowful, but undeniably blissful.
For even though we couldn’t feel each other’s warmth, the thing that shone brightest now was undoubtedly the entangled feeling of being in love, just the same.
And then, the meteor, fell to the earth.
It cut through the air like a fish.
Before its light vanished completely.
The two of us forgot ourselves, lost in a kiss that was cold, hard, and distant.
Oh, fish, how does it feel to be a witness
to a love that meets only to be parted,
and then
to part ways…
“On the night of the meteor shower,
I didn’t really want to see it that much, Khrap.
I just wanted to spend as much time with you as possible.
Comments
Post a Comment