Aksorn sat idly by himself at the waterside pavilion.
The morning sun hit his face while his gaze was absently fixed on the monk (Luang Pho) collecting alms on the other side. The instant coffee he had brewed himself had gone completely cold, indicating that the grandmother living in the house opposite had taken a considerable amount of time to offer alms.
He sighed. He himself didn't know if this search of his could be called a futile effort. It was like taking one step forward only to meet a dead end, then having to take two steps back to regain footing.
There was no way to reach the destination at all...
"Aksorn..."
The owner of the name turned towards the voice. He saw Napha walking towards him with a smile, her slender hand extending a sheet of paper to him.
"The manuscript of 'Aksorn in Memory,' here you go," she said without needing to be asked, speaking up first. Napha stared at the young man's face, his brows furrowed together worriedly.
"I... can I read it, khrap?"
"Why couldn't you?" Napha sat down beside him, her smile not fading as her gaze drifted to the water surface before them. "You are the owner of these stories, after all."
"You believe me now, don't you?" Naturally, he had hoped for this. Having someone else know these stories and be willing to believe them made Aksorn feel better, if only a little.
"There's no reason for you to lie to me, even though I don't understand much of what's happening."
The young man looked down at the paper in his hand. The mass of characters felt immensely heavy with a strange, packed emotion, overwhelming to the point of being unbearable. Characters can really kill a person, can't they....
"I made a copy for you. You can take it. Read it whenever you want." She knew well that the other party wasn't ready yet to learn about the various stories, because all at once, it could make a person die of shock.
A boat rowing towards the shore made both of them turn to look simultaneously. The homeowner had a strange expression as she raised her hands in a wai.
"I wasn't going to offer alms today, Luang Pho," she asked immediately, kneeling before the elderly monk seated in the boat. The temple boy who was rowing heard this and made to row away, but Luang Pho raised his hand to stop him.
"Young man..."
Aksorn raised his eyebrows as the monk looked towards him. Those serene eyes held such power that he found himself walking over unavoidably, before kneeling down beside Napha and raising his hands in a wai.
"Khrap?"
"Do not seek reason from the unreasonable. Believe in your own feelings."
"Luang Pho, what do you mean...?"
"This is all I can help with," he said, then immediately had the temple boy row the boat away, leaving behind only perplexing doubts for the young man to dwell on.
"He probably wanted to warn you," Napha said, placing a hand on his shoulder to encourage him, before walking off into the house just like that. Aksorn sat alone for a good while longer; he didn't know how long it was until Khiao came out to get him to pack his bags, that he finally moved.
The two young men stood again in front of Napha's house. She came out to see them off with a warm smile, unlike Aksorn, whose smile was full of gaps and crevices, filled with wariness towards fate.
"Thank you for everything, khrap."
"I'm glad you came. No matter what happens, please be happier every day." That was the blessing from someone who had read 'Aksorn in Memory' to the end.
Aksorn got into the car after saying goodbye to the three homeowners for quite a while, with Khiao insisting on driving the return journey himself. It was during this journey that a silence longer than any before occurred, until the absent-minded person finally let out a sigh.
"Phîi, just who are you?"
"Why doesn't Phîi have any doubts at all?" Aksorn asked in a distant tone, not expecting an answer. The fact that Khiao only turned to look at his face briefly without answering the question didn't make him feel bad right now.
Khiao let that question float in the air, before it disappeared without a trace.
"...Phîi knows, sometimes I wonder if Phîi might be involved in all these things happening to me."
"What do you mean?" the one who had been quiet for a while asked, his voice calm and steady, yet relaxed as always when Aksorn experienced it.
That was, he truly felt comfortable talking with him.
"It means... our meeting might not have been a coincidence."
"Is that so...."
And then, in a moment at the eighth hour of the day, the young man chose to reach out with one hand and hold his hand tightly, for a long time.
We let the held hands understand each other instead of all the various words, which might not be very useful in this situation.
The car stopped in front of Aksorn's dorm. He was still full of lingering hesitation; one part of his mind couldn't settle, another part wanted to let it go and leave it to fate.
"Thank you, khrap," the young man said while turning to look directly at Khiao's face, to absorb some vague outline he didn't understand. "Thank you for everything."
Because this time, we both could sense the peculiar strangeness.
It might not be a farewell like previous days, and everything depended on the manuscript in Aksorn's hand.
The story that would change us forever.
"Aksorn..." Khiao met the young man's eyes at close range, their faces only a little apart, their breaths clearly touching each other. "After this, may you be very happy."
Aksorn didn't have time to think whether those words conveyed more meaning than just a normal blessing, because the speaker's face was moving closer. His hands hung frozen mid-air, unsure whether to push away or let it go according to his feelings.
In the end, the larger hand only reached over to unbuckle his seatbelt for him.
Only that much, before the tips of our noses touched, and then the Phîi pulled back to sit smiling in his original spot.
"See you later, khrap," Khiao patted the other's head lightly. The one who had fallen silent for a moment nodded in acceptance, then forced a smile as a goodbye.
"Mhmm, see you later, khrap."
Those were the last words Aksorn said to Khiao.
The young man got out of the car, then stood watching the Phîi drive away. It was a scene quite familiar to his eyes. Something was forming in his emotions, difficult to understand at this moment.
Aksorn went back up to his room with everything the same as when he left, but there was something that had followed him back too.
Both the novel in his backpack, and the heavy feeling that had formed and multiplied exponentially....
Songjam wasn't in the room; that junior had probably gone out to study as he did every day. So Aksorn chose to collapse onto the bed, with the manuscript of 'Aksorn in Memory' lying deserted beside him.
He spent some time staring blankly at the ceiling, alternating with looking at that thick stack of paper, steeling himself for some story that might affect his future life.
Similarly, that might mean his relationship with Songjam also depended on this novel...
Aksorn decided to go sit in front of the mirror, slowly opening the sheets of paper to read page by page... by page.
Very slowly.
Perceiving the aura of the characters; even though he had read through many chapters before, those stories hammered him, pinning him trapped in old memories without release.
From when we met, got to know each other, and became a part of each other, this novel might be the only evidence that our story truly happened.
Everything was the same, not deviating, except when his hand turned to a chapter he hadn't read yet. That meant this was what would happen from now on.
From the part where he had to go search for the Picker, leaving Songjam alone in the room. That junior had indeed gone out to study as he thought. Everything that happened was smooth, proceeding like the daily life of two people sharing a room.
However, not long after he continued reading, the door on the other side opened.
Aksorn looked up immediately. Knowing these stories beforehand, he smiled gladly upon seeing the other party hiding something behind his back. "Have you been back long, Phîi?" Songjam spoke up, stepping towards the mirror with a longing that couldn't be fully concealed upon seeing his Phîi sitting waiting already.
"For a while now."
"How did it go?"
Aksorn smiled. Even the sentences were exactly like in the novel he had just read. What he could do now was become a first-rate actor who had to continue following those roles.
For something that was in Songjam's hand.
"Didn't get much, really. Turns out the Picker is just the uploader but not the writer," he told the truth, which Songjam always listened to very attentively. After talking for a while, the junior sighed, before finally willing to show something he had been hiding for a long time.
"I stopped by the record store too."
Aksorn stared at that record. Of course, he didn't know this singer. It was just that Songjam's smile, full of excitement, was making him unable to not feel excited too.
"...the seller said it's a love song suitable for dancing."
Well, this was probably the cutest way to ask for a dance.
"Then... let's try it."
Turns out, that junior's ears turned bright red upon hearing his roommate's reply. Songjam hurriedly ran to his record player, carefully placing the record with great care, before returning to the mirror again. The melody played slowly, gradually quickening its rhythm, until the two who were sitting looking at each other earlier broke into wide smiles, prompting Songjam to stand up, before bowing with an amusingly formal manner in front of the mirror.
"May I please have this dance with you, kind sir?"
Look at that. Aksorn laughed brightly, stood up, and bowed in response.
"Certainly, kind sir."
At this moment, he was ready to play along with anything Songjam did, ready to make the most of our time together, ready to help weave the story on the page to remain in memory. But believe me, this wasn't a scene from some sweet, dreamy novel.
It was just the two of them turning a blind eye.
It was just a moment wanting to be together for as long as possible.
It was just a dance scene where even touching each other... wasn't possible at all.
Something was wrong.
***
The dim light hit his eyes which were growing heavy. Aksorn saw the figure of that junior busily preparing to go to school this morning, just like every other time. Except that Songjam's eyes shone brilliantly, full of hope.
"Are you awake, Phîi?" The figure moving on the bed made Songjam turn to look immediately. He perceived every movement, including those eyes looking at him questioningly.
"Why are you up so early today?"
"I have something important I need to do," said the young man, then walked to pick up his backpack, before stopping firmly in front of the mirror to look at his very sleepy Phîi.
"Phîi."
"Mh?" Aksorn sat up drowsily on the bed, under the junior's unwavering gaze.
"Do you trust me?"
Aksorn fell silent, meeting the strangely serious gaze, before finally nodding.
"I've never not trusted you."
As the monk (Luang Pho) had said, he was just believing in his own feelings, believing that Songjam was the person he was willing to stand by from now on, as long as nothing tore us apart.
The young man smiled widely, his eyes conveying meaning.
"That's enough then."
But Aksorn didn't think so. He walked to stand right in front of the tall figure, then raised his hand to press against the mirror—the only barrier separating the two of us.
"You're making me worried."
"There's nothing to worry about." Songjam's smile made the whole heavy world feel lighter. Aksorn nodded in acceptance as those large, warm hands reached over to cover his. "Just wait for me. That's all."
"I will wait."
The two of us smiled at each other, openly imprinting the traces appearing in the other's eyes, before Songjam was the one to pull away. The tall figure turned and walked towards the door. But just before the door closed to take that junior away from sight, Songjam's words made Aksorn's vision blur.
"See you later, khrap."
He didn't reply.
It was rather... coincidental.
Aksorn's hands moved in a blur as he ran to grab the 'Aksorn in Memory' manuscript to read again. Not leisurely like before, because something was extremely disturbing his mind.
He turned to the page where he had last stopped reading, scanning through the lines hastily because now, even a single second might mean the life of every one of us.
The record from Songjam's perspective from this point was that the junior went to class as usual. He wasn't sure if the writer intentionally avoided mentioning the details of Songjam's life, because that novel usually only recorded the story of us.
Apart from the feelings they had for each other, Aksorn never knew what new thoughts Songjam was having.
Only this time, he learned that Songjam would stop by the record store before school. This was the reason the junior woke up earlier than usual. Songjam spent the morning studying with friends, and after that, he just buried himself in reading a book alone.
A book like that.....
Aksorn pondered. Songjam was always reading books, most of which were usually exam-related. But one thing he remembered well that the other person often liked to read was...
"Parallel Universes."
He used to think the young man was just particularly interested in this topic. Until today, when Songjam's demeanor was strange, some probabilities became inextricably linked. The eyes reading 'Aksorn in Memory' widened again. When it was time after school, Songjam instead chose to take a connecting bus to a church to say goodbye to everyone he had known. It was the place where that junior grew up....
Aksorn could feel his heart beating heavily, weighed down. He trusted Songjam, but at the same time, he feared that in the end, we truly might not be able to defy fate. That meant he didn't want Songjam to be in pain anymore.
The hand turning the pages trembled uncontrollably. He wanted so much to know how the conclusion of this novel would be. But when it reached the part where Songjam was returning to the room, the page ended there. It wasn't an abrupt ending, because a handwritten note on the last page told him so. It was the handwriting of someone who had written this novel: "I will send you the next chapter after my child is born and opens his eyes to see the world.
"Please pray for his health.
And I will name him...
Aksorn"
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